That DICK Was So Delusional

magic-hot-dogOnce upon a time there was a crazy delusional man…this crazy delusional man was a lonely delusional sort…you know the delusional kind….slightly unwashed, verbally offensive, and smug beyond his station in life…Did I mention he was delusional???

Oh, yes, this crazy man was a creepy sort of man who was an amateur clay & ceramics merchant in the well-kept part of Porona California, where only government mules, strippers named Lisa, and bitter ex-wives live…Sardonically, Porona California is also the international headquarters of the “Clown face lot Lizzard” training academy, or so I’m told.

Well this delusional creepy dude simply didn’t know any better… so we’ll call this guy for all intent and purposes Richard…or how about “Dick” for short…

Every since Dick was small…(please hold your snickers down) he dreamed that one day he would be the most famous delusional person that ever lived…YES… he longed to wander the entire world seeking out only the most physically attractive, intellectually beautiful woman the world had ever seen so he could dominate her verbally into putting out sexually without so much as even telling her of his delusional feelings for her!

Dick knew he would never be good enough for his princess..hell, she was a queen…Queen Amsbury I believe she was named.. she was the Ceramic Queen and this was Dick’s true calling… he would use his delusional skills to woo this young queen into marriage whereupon he would steal her vast ceramic fortune and her prized spinach dip receipt….yet in the meantime he only wanted her for meaningless sex, topless business cards & sexy arm candy when he ventured into those high-end drinking establishments where one can only make purchases using “Drink Tickets”!

Oh yes, Dick was in control… he had Queen Amsbury by the short hairs….(oh if you only knew). They communicated via this strange analog slash digital non-Facebook, Twitter, Instagram talking device on a nightly basis…then on weekends he would verbally dominate her using those elusive “Drink Tickets” he mentioned earlier and then in private through their secret dialog until one day she began dating another man.. drifted away and married herself into motherly non-wifely servitude!

Dick never had any physical aspirations, well he never had any meaningful ideas about Queen Amsbury….and rightly so because he believed Queen Amsbury to be of a different class, and after all, if all dick wants is what “DICK” wants then, by all means, it should have been clear to the Queen.

It wasn’t because Dick was delusional… even more than anyone thought…she thought he was into her cause she could do things… like talk… or pay her own bills and clothe herself… yeah, for as long as there have been DICKS, Dicks have liked woman… well this Dick does!!!!!!

So because Dick always does what a Dick does…he let Queen Amsbury drift off into the sunset like a crappy Fellini movie…After all, he had his fill of lustful dialog…whitty fun conversation, and always her slutty intimate honesty had Dick full at attention…..hehe ….and could not take one more second of the perverse lust filled conversation this sly minx was putting down so he left her stranded at the Mall in Downtown Yorba Linda next to Orange County Glass On Rose Ave. Heh, it was shortly afterword she entered into a long-term thing that resembled monogamous relations, yet was a front for the Clown Car industry!

While the Queen was pacing in her run down 3 1/2 bedroom, 2 bath Clown House in Shitter, California, Dick was auditioning for the San Pedro Motel Window Assult team….after his shattering first leap he was sidelined and forced to seek lodging from this slightly miffed Queen…I say miffed because to this day she said he was so delusional that she (this never happened cause Dick is delusional) let Dick move into her pool house as long as acted like one of the servants should her friends or family come over. She was clear on one fact…she didn’t want to see him taking a damn shower everyday cause the water in Shitter California is expensive…and you know Dick…he is so damn delusional!

Little happened between the ceramic Queen & Dick…mostly because Dick wasn’t a Dick, and thought he should mind his own affairs lest someone might think he was truly only interested in getting into the Queen panties & then smack his Dick for being so thoughtless!

It was clear that the Queen did not like Dick, she hated him and I think she only let Dick live in her pool room because she needed someone to pretend he was delusional while he lived with her…otherwise a normal man might move in who cared for her like a “real” man and would be offended at how her “owner” treated her & her new tiny human that showed up on her doorstep after smiling at this government mule. Needless to say, everyone knows Dick is delusional…hell, even crazy people laugh when you talk about that Dick!!!!

Yep, it was clear that the Queen hated that Dick…she hated him so much she forced him to like the tiny human she was given for a year of loyalty… As she began to openly hate Dick, his level of delusion grew…he started hating the Queen as much as she hated him…Slowly because his delusional hate had grown so intently he decided to tell the Queen’s owner how much he hated the Queen…Dick & the Queen’s owner even went to get take food out before coming home to the homestead slash Castle in Shitter California…because everyone knows if you haven’t been physical with your Queen for weeks at a time…then the first thing you always do is have a large meal before returning home to rest!

It was difficult for Dick to hate the Queen full time because he was so busy hating the Queen’s tiny human and letting his delusions grow. It was clear to everyone who knew the Queen had that Dick living in her Pool House was top drawer delusional and it would only be a matter of time before he started acting irrational and doing things like begin hating her tiny human on a daily basis…hating him while he ate breakfast, and then hating to have to help him wash his face, or read a book, or interact with him, take him for walks to the park….or do anything fun…cause everyone knows if you hate someone you never let them hate your tiny human’s…especially if you know they’re delusional….

In time Dick began to hate the Queen & this tiny human who couldn’t even pronounce his damn name… so much he decided he needed to leave before he got too delusional…
After all, if all you do is play with Dick and never talk to Dick…Dick starts thinking he is just a Dick and because nobody wants a Dick unless they NEED a DICK, Dick packed his little Dick suitcase and took his delusional Dick self back to great swamps and $3 hookers in Short Bus California…Where men are Delusional or Dicks or both!!!!

I suppose if Dick had been able to talk to the Queen, and if the Queen would have just started openly & verbally hating Dick rather than acting like she did they might have realized that they should have hated each other long ago when she was single & wasn’t being owned… or they would have figured out that even though he was a Dick and she wasn’t that they might actually be better off hating each other for life rather than hating other people who ended up loving them so well all they can think about is the hate from a delusional Dick or even the hatefulness of a Queen who worried about the Dick when she was single and brought him food….they were both Dicks…but only to one another …even though all Dick wanted was to get into her panties and use her for meaningless sex….well being a Dick is exactly what is it…..

I wish I could end this play on words with a “funny” Dickish note & hope it would get a chuckle from “Her”…but in all reality, I did something horrible to her and that is why she doesn’t talk to me any longer and rightly so…

I only wish I could take back the event we both “Loved” so dearly!

She knows how I feel for her & I believe I knew partially how she once felt for me…I only wish we could have said the words that each wished the other would have spoken…

Maybe the Queen should remember that this Dick was only into her for “everything” other than what she thought he was in it for!!!!!!!

Sadly, this Dick still thinks it’s a long time ago when he wasn’t such a DICK…..She’ll always be a “REAL” Queen in my eyes.

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